I have been with my husband for 21 years now. There has been so many ups and downs in our relationship, mostly downs, but we are finally in a stable relationship.
What does that mean? Well, to me, it means we resolve our conflicts instead of just fighting about them. It means we work every day to maintain a healthy relationship. It means letting your pride go.
This has been a very long road, and it was not an easy road with two equally hardheaded human beings.
If you ever watched “Jersey Shore“, imagine Sam and Ronnie’s relationship, that was us.
There are so many things I wish I could have changed about the choices I made in our relationship and the many mistakes that were made in our relationship.
There is so many “lessons learned“, throughout marriage, and it is very hard work.
So.. I would like to share the tips I have learned being a Married Woman.
Don’t Rush Him
One of the biggest regrets in regards to my relationship would be that I rushed him to propose.
I don’t know why we do that girls! We tend to think if he doesn’t propose after a year, then we will lose him or we will never get married.
We get into such a rush to plan our whole lives out; we forget that men need a little longer to get things planned out.
For instance, I rushed my husband to propose, you know the “when he puts a ring on my finger” guilt trip. In his mind he thinks “ I better propose, or she is going to dump me“. So, he did propose, and it was great, but he put off the wedding, which led to many fights and break ups.
If I would have just waited, he could have decided he wanted to marry me on his own and would have been excited to plan a wedding. Instead, he felt pushed into a situation he was not ready for.
You don’t want someone to marry you because they feel forced to do so. Now, I know my husband loves me and he is happy we are now married, but it took a while for us to truly know each other and for our love to grow over the years.
Enjoy Getting to Know Each Other
The first year is always so great because you are just getting to know each other. Don’t rush through it, enjoy every minute before moving in with each other or getting married.
Once you move in together, all that cute stuff, becomes annoying and you start realizing you don’t have that much in common.
Go on many dates before having kids, after kids you may not get date nights as often.
Babies Won’t Save a Relationship
Please ladies, do not have a baby to keep your man. If he isn’t interested before a baby, he will not be interested after a baby.
You either end up with a cheating baby daddy, or a baby daddy you have to fight with over the baby.
I didn’t get pregnant on purpose with my daughter, but I thought since I was pregnant, my baby daddy would be with me for forever. I was wrong, he was not ready to be a dad at that time, and I could not change that.
Don’t Base Your Relationship on Looks
Don’t let “appearance” control your relationship. Everybody gets older and our appearances change.
Make sure your relationship is based on love, make sure he loves you, for who you are, not what you look like.
Bodies change and looks fade over time, but true love won’t.
Something I struggled with for many years was trust. My husband never did anything for me not to trust him, but I still struggled with trusting him.
I would look for proof that he was cheating, constantly. Trust me ladies, if you look hard enough, you will find something to fight about. Whether it be a girl from work he added on Facebook, or just a simple text from a friend.
If you cannot trust him, you will never be happy. You will always be looking, and the fights will never stop.
I can honestly say after 21 years, I trust my husband. I no longer worry about what he is doing on his phone or when he is with his friends. It has made our relationship grow so much stronger.
This is also the same for men, they have to trust you too. My husband was jealous at times, and he had to learn to stop being jealous of every man I spoke to. On the other hand, I too had to stop giving him reasons to be jealous, like flirting. I know that sounds horrible, but when I was younger, I was a handful. When I would drink alcohol, I would get flirtatious, but I grew up.
Lastly, please ladies, remember you are beautiful just the way you are. You never have to change yourself for anybody!
I hope some of my life lessons can help you in your relationship journey.