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Make Your Own Rules

Having a Special Needs child comes with its own set of difficulties. There is no rule book for how to raise a child with disabilities. Books about reaching children’s milestones do not apply to your child’s specific special needs.

Even learning about your child’s diagnosis does not help prepare you, because every disability is so different. For instance, Ciara has Cerebral Palsy and cannot walk or talk, but there are others with CP that can walk and talk normally. So finding the right information or help, can be exhausting.

I have learned that we have to make our own parenting rules and go by our own knowledge.

After 21 years, I am still learning about Ciara. I am still trying to figure out what I am doing and questioning if I am doing the right things for her.

I thought I had everything figured out and then..she became an adult! I thought getting her through school and puberty was my most difficult challenges. I was wrong. Now, I am learning how to transition her into adulthood and prepare a future for her. I feel as if her whole future depends on the decisions I make now for her.

There is no manual to tell us what to do to prepare our kids for the future, so we have to what we feel is best for our children.

On top of all the stress of raising a special needs child, there is always judgment and pressure coming from professionals. “What are you doing for her future?” “What is your next step?” The questions never stop coming! Seriously, I don’t know what I am doing with my life, then I have to tell them exact plans for my daughters future!

People never stop judging, you just have to get past all the questions and realize you are doing whats best for your child. People can make you feel like you are not doing enough for your child, but you are. You cannot completely exhaust yourself trying to be perfect, you just have to do what you can do.

There was a point in my life where I let Ciara’s disability control my whole life. Everything I did in my life was directed towards Ciara. I was was consumed in therapy appointments, Doctor appointments, special needs conferences, and lots of research.

I still do what needs to be done for her, I just don’t let it consume me. We have a life outside of her disability and we also have a nice balance of special needs activities. I feel she is happier now that I am not obsessed with her disability. She is not reminded constantly of her disability and it helps her to feel more normal.

People may judge me that I don’t have her in tons of therapies and Doctor appointments to consume our weeks, but I make the rules and do what is best for my family.

She still sees her Doctors when she needs to and I am still working on preparing for her future, but we are going to enjoy life in the process.

Make your own rules for your special needs child. Do what you think is best and forget about the judgments and questions. You know your child better than anybody, so you will make the best choices.

Don’t let your child’s disability consume you, enjoy life with your special needs child.

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The Truth from a Special Needs Mom

As I sit here watching my daughter rest after an exhausting night of vomiting, I can’t help the feeling of sorrow and pity for my child.

After almost 21 years of having nights like this, it doesn’t seem to get any easier watching your child suffer.

At the age of 20 she should be able to run to the toilet when she feels sick, instead she has to struggle to sit up as she vomits all in her bed.

I run to her rescue but can never get there in time to save her from the disgust of lying in her own waste.

She looks at me helplessly and ashamed of the mess and I reassured her that it is ok .

I clean her up, change the bedding and get her back into bed.

An hour passes and I hear the dreaded sound of her gagging, I run to her as fast as I can but I never get there fast enough.

I clean her up again, change the bedding and get her back in bed.

This goes on until morning, as the sun is rising, my eyes are falling but I know I must stay alert to hear the sounds of what sounds as if she is choking on her own vomit.

Now, as she rests so peaceful, I can’t help feeling sorry for the life she has been given. I know she has a purpose in this life and God has a greater plan for her, but why must she struggle so.

I can’t help but feel sorry for myself, that for the rest of my life I will have nights like this and my child will never be able to care for herself.

Then I remember how blessed I am to be her mother and how thankful I am to God that he gave me this wonderful human being, so strong and resilient.

I remember that this too shall pass and I will see what God has in store for this precious child of mine and I get to be a part of raising such an amazing person.

Bad nights are going to happen and sickness will be apart of our lives, but I will remain thankful for this blessing God has bestowed upon me and take care of her until I no longer can.

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Her Voice

As a special needs mom, you learn to be the voice for your child.

Whether it’s knowing their facial expressions, sign language, body language or their own language. You learn to know what your child wants and needs.

My daughter speaks to me frequently about life and what’s bothering her. People may not understand her words, but I do.

I am her voice and here is her words.

“I love it when people talk to me and include me in their conversations.”

“Just because I am silent does not mean I am not listening, I hear every word.”

“I do like attention but I do not like being treated like a baby. “

” I startle easy and it embarrasses me so please don’t make a fuss.”

” I love to be included, even if I can’t do everything, I try my best. “

“I like helping people, if you give me a task I will try my hardest to succeed. “

“I face every problem with a smile on my face, but that doesn’t mean I am not sad. “

” I may laugh in a serious situation or if I am in pain but that does not mean I am laughing at the situation.”

” I do wish I could walk and wonder why I cannot. “

” I want to do what others my age are doing, and cannot understand why I can’t. “

” I am scared of my future, and what will happen to me when my mom is no longer here. “

These are Ciara’s words, not mine. This is her voice.

Just because she sits silent in a wheelchair, does not mean she doesn’t have a lot to say. You just have to listen.

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Confessions of a Mom

Let’s face it motherhood is hard! We have to keep these little human beings alive while also trying to be a perfect mom.

We all have those moments where we feel like we have failed as a mother. I would like to share my moments of shame, my confessions of a mom.

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I have given my children wipe baths.

Ok yes, sometimes the days are exhausting and instead of a bath my kids get wiped down with a wet wipe or wash rag.

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I have fed my kids cereal for dinner

Sometimes I do not want to even look at the oven to cook a meal so they get a nice bowl of cereal.

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I have forgotten the sunscreen

Yes, my kids have gotten burnt by the sun because of their forgetful mother. At least they got pampered by mom with aloe and popsicles.

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I have overslept

When the world was still open and the kids were in school, there were days they were late to school because of dear old mama pushing that snooze button.

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I have cried in my car

When my kiddos were younger, there were those dreaded moments when both would be screaming at the same time. So yes, I have cried in the car, supermarket, Church, pretty much everywhere.

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I have lied to my children

“Yep, Chucky Cheese is closed today.”

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Even with all my shameful mom moments, I still think I am a pretty good mom. They have everything they need, they are healthy and they are loved.

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Don’t be so hard on yourself moms. This Mother’s Day, sit back and enjoy being a mom. Look at those magnificent creatures you made and know that you are doing a great job.

Happy Mother’s Day to all you wonderful moms out there!

 

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Dealing with Holiday Anxiety

Christmas is really the most magical and beautiful time of year. It is also the most stressful. Between finding those must have gifts, crowds everywhere and juggling all the Christmas parties and activities. It can be a bit too much for those of us who suffer from Anxiety, heck I think it can be overwhelming for those who don’t suffer from Anxiety.

This year I have struggled to find my Holiday enthusiasm, and I Love Christmas time! I love the glowing lights everywhere, the ambiance of Christmas, and the way Christmas makes you feel like a kid again. But unfortunately I am not a kid anymore, and Christmas has become a stress overload.

I do not want to start hating Christmas because of the stress and anxiety of the crowds, money being spent and the amount of things spinning around me. I want to really enjoy this time of year with my family.

So I have compiled a list of some Holiday de-stressers.

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*Watch A Christmas Movie

I love sitting by a fire, with some coffee watching a Christmas movie. Okay, lets be realistic, I live in Texas and most days it is not cold enough for a fire and I am usually out of coffee. So I may not have that perfect setting while watching a nice Christmas movie, but I still like to snuggle in bed and find a great heart warming movie to watch. Find those types of Christmas movies that pull at those heart strings, you know where you sit back and think “well, I am so blessed”. I am not a fan of those love story Christmas movies, but hey to each their own, if that’s what you like. I LOVE the magical movies, you know with SANTA or even a hilarious Christmas comedy. So just sit back, relax and watch a Christmas movie.

LIGHTS

* Go look at Christmas Lights

Me and my family love getting in the car with some hot chocolate and driving around town looking at all the Christmas lights. When the kids were younger we could decorate the car with Christmas lights and tell the kids they were going on a Polar Express adventure. It sounds so magical don’t it? Well it usually ended with the dreaded “I’m Bored” and spilt hot chocolate all over the Polar Express. These days I do not put the added stress into it. We still get our hot chocolate but we just take it easy and just drive.

COOKIES

*Bake Something

Okay so this is a little contradictory. Baking can be added stress, well for me anyway. First, I am terrible at cookies but I love to bake them, so getting them right can be a little stressful. Then you got that horrible mess you left behind, you know like flour on the ceiling and stuff. But every year I cannot wait to find recipes and get in that kitchen, There is just something about Christmas that makes me wanna be like little Mrs. Claus. If you hate baking, don’t do it, but if you do like baking get in that kitchen and whip up some Christmas treats, and leave the mess for another day.

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*Remember the Reason for the Season

I think we all get so wrapped up in the buying and what we all think we HAVE to do at Christmas, we forget the reason we are celebrating. Sometimes it is nice to just sit back and remember why we celebrate this holiday and how we can be better for HIM. Which brings me to my next de-stresser.

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*Go to Church

I seriously need to take my own advice on this one. I have let this crazy world get in between me and my Christianity and find that I make excuses not to go to Church. Realistically Church is the ultimate de-stresser. When I go I can feel the stress leave me and a feeling of hope enters. Not too mention that at Christmas time there is so much beautiful music and wonderful activities for your family. Even if you do not have a Church, find one and just go to one in your town. Believe me you will be welcomed with open arms.

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*Enjoy your Family and Friends

I so often forget why I go through all this mayhem at Christmas time. I do it for those two beautiful creatures I made and that big, burly man I married. Every stress filled moment is for their happiness, but I know that a stressed out mom does not make them happy. So I put that to do list down and spend quality time with them. Build a Gingerbread house together or just share some of those Christmas treats you baked with them and watch a movie together. Just remember why you do what you do and enjoy all the small things about Christmas time.

I hope some of these Holiday de- stressers help you this Christmas season.

Just remember it all goes by so fast, so enjoy every second with your loved ones.

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MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM MY FAMILY TO YOURS!

 

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I am Thankful for the Mess

Here lately I have been in a bit of a mom funk. You know where you feel as if your life is defined by that pile of dirty laundry or that sink full of dishes. It feels as if my life is overcome by a house that needs cleaning everyday and people need to be fed everyday. The mom funk can consume you and make you feel like curling up in a ball in bed and crying, until the kids or husband need something.

So as I sat wondering if there was more to life than this mess I have to clean everyday, and I find myself Thankful for this mess of a life. I think about a life without this mess. A life without my kids and my husband. That life seemed very sad and lonely. So this Thanksgiving here is what I am thankful for in my life.

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*I am Thankful for the laundry

I am thankful for the clothes I have to wash each and everyday, because that means that I can provide clean clothes for my family to wear.

 

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*I am Thankful for the house I get to clean

I am Thankful to have a home that I can keep clean for my family. Even if that means sweeping, mopping and cleaning nasty toilets.

 

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*I am Thankful for the meals I get to cook

I am Thankful my family does not have to go without food and I have the opportunity to cook for them, even if they do complain.

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*I am Thankful I am a mom

I am so Thankful I get to be a mom. Even if it means non stop Doctor Appointments, School Meetings, bath times and being a mom taxi. I love being a mom! I cannot imagine my life without my little mess makers.

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*I am Thankful for my Husband

I am Thankful that my husband gets up everyday and goes to work to provide for us, even if he doesn’t seem to know where the laundry room is or how a dishwasher works.

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*I am Thankful for me

I am Thankful that I find the strength everyday to get up and face life head on. I may not always want to, but I do what I gotta do each and every day.

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Of coarse there is so much more I am Thankful for in my life, but these are my blessings in life I may take for granted.

Be Thankful for the messes in your life. 

 

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Welcome to Perfectly Imperfect Plus Life

Welcome to my Blog Perfectly Imperfect Plus Life!

Perfectly Imperfect Plus Life is a blog I created to promote Self Love and No Body Shaming.

Over the years, I have discovered so many other topics that I enjoy writing about. While this blog does still focus on body positivity, I also like to share on many other topics. Such as, Family, Holidays, Fashions, Crafts and DIYs, and so much more.

My only mission with my blog is to INSPIRE.

My blog is not about money, I may share affiliate links of products I trust or good deals, but you will never see tons of promotions on my blog.

Check out the About me tab if you would like to learn more about me!

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About me

I am a Texas native and a mother of two wonderful kiddos. I am married to the man I fell in love with a age 16 and we now have been together over 20 years.

My family

My children are my world! I became pregnant with my daughter at 15, so I have been a mother for all of my adult life. My daughter Ciara, has Cerebral Palsy, which effects her ability to walk and speak. She can light up a room with her smile and she never complains about her hardships. My son, Leland, is a normal teenager with an attitude. He is definitely a “mama’s boy”, and constantly makes me laugh.

My Perfectly Imperfect Plus Life is about showing life is not perfect and nobody is perfect, but we can love ourselves and our lives no matter how imperfect.

Of coarse my blog will not be serious all the time, my imperfect life can be crazy, and I hope to share some of that craziness with ya’ll.

If you are into plus size fashion, plus size beauty trends, crafty mom ideas, special need moms, or dealing with anxiety. Then you should definitely follow my blog. It may seem a little crazy, but hey that is how my brain works. I am all over the place!

I hope you all enjoy my posts and can join me in being perfectly imperfect and loving it!