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Putting My Dreams on Hold

When I was young, I always dreamed of being a writer.

I would write short stories. Mostly horror since Stephen King and R.L Stine were my favorite Authors.

At Fifteen, my dreams took a shift. I was blessed with an amazing little angel, but because of a medical mistake, my daughter suffered from seizures. Which led my daughter to being diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy.

I soon realized that my life was going to be consumed with a lot of therapy and doctor appointments.

My mom insisted I go back to school and graduate high school. My sweet mom took care of Ciara while I attended high school, graduated, and while I attended college.

I was unable to finish College due to Ciara’s needs getting more demanding.

After years of therapy appointments, doctor appointments, SSI meetings, fighting medicaid and her daily care, I felt depressed.

I did what I had to do but never went above and beyond for Ciara.

Ciara grew closer and closer to my mom because my mom gave her the attention she craved.

I was hurt that Ciara loved her more and couldn’t figure out why she didn’t love me as much as my mom.

After many prayers, God opened my eyes!

I realized, Ciara didn’t ask to be born to a single, Fifteen year old mom, and she sure didn’t ask for a medical mistake to take place that led her to having to struggle for the rest of her life.

I sat back and saw how strong my daughter is. I saw the impact she has on others in her life. I saw that my girl has a purpose in life, greater than I can ever imagine, and I was very blessed to be a part of her journey.

Ciara has the kindest heart, and the best outlook on life. She warms people’s hearts with her amazing smile. I am very lucky to have her call me mom.

Now, I live for her, to help make all her dreams come true, and to make sure she always has a reason to smile.

Of course, I still live my own life. I go out with friends, not as much as I would like, but life gets in the way of that.

I also make sure my son always knows that I love him. I try to spend extra time with my son and husband, so they don’t feel like my whole life is about Ciara.

Ciara is my best friend, and I can’t imagine my life without her. I am so proud of the young lady she has become. Ciara and I are a team so, when she succeeds, so do I!

Of course, I haven’t given up my dreams of writing. I have my blog, and I hope to one day, write a book about Ciara. My dreams are just on hold, just until God let’s me know it’s time.

Of course, I’m not saying you have to give up your dreams, if you have a special needs child. I know a lot of very strong moms that do it all. Putting my dreams on hold, was just what I felt was best for my child.

Don’t give up on your dreams, just put them on hold!

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Mom Burnout

Have you ever felt tired of the mom life? Feeling as if the only thing you do in life is take care of everybody else?

Then you have the mom guilt, for feeling these feelings of mom burnout.

You are not alone!

For the past month I have felt the mama blues, and find it hard to just be happy.

I wake up everyday to the same messes in my house. Dirty clothes on the floor, dishes in the sink, laundry to wash and fold. Then I walk past that bathroom mirror with toothpaste splatters across it and think ” why should I even clean it, it will be dirty again tomorrow.” Then I spiral into a World of self pity.

I start to wonder if this is all my life will ever be, cleaning the toothpaste off of the mirror for the rest of my life?

How do you overcome these feelings of emptiness and self pity?

I have thought about this a lot here lately. I don’t want my kids to remember me as the crazy, depressed mom, that at time holds resentment towards them for having to be a mom 24/7.

I want them to remember me as a fun, happy mom!

So, what do I do about this?

I have complied a list of what I am going to try to get my life out of the gutter and stop the Mom Burnout.

Me Time

This is so important! We moms forget to have “me time“. We focus so much energy on doing everything for our families so that they can be happy, we forget about our happiness. Believe me there is no happy home without a happy wife/mom.

Whether you read a good book or you binge a new series on TV. Take the time everyday to do something you want to do.

Exercise

I hear so many good things about that thing called exercise, but I never just take the time to do it. Okay, it may be a little laziness on my part, but I think I am ready to start exercising this frustration away.

More Friend Time

It has occurred to me that I cannot remember the last time I had a Mom night out with friends or even a lunch date with a friend. I get so consumed in life, I forget I have friends. Remember your friends ladies, support each other and have more friend time.

Fun Hobbies

This kind of goes with “me time”, but I am going to find a hobby that I enjoy. I use to enjoy baking, but now I do it so much for my family that I don’t enjoy it as much.

Find a hobby that does not benefit anybody but YOU!

Be Selfish

It is okay for us moms to be selfish sometimes! We give so much of our time to our family, why not do more for yourself. Go shopping just for stuff for you, get your hair done, get that pedicure or massage you have been wanting.

If you don’t think of yourself sometime, you feel resentful to your family and that leads to that mom guilt.

Teach Your Family to Help More

This is a tough one for me. I have been guilty of not making my family do more for their selves . I would rather pick up the laundry myself and not argue about it, but my family DOES need to help out more.

In the end they make not like me as much, but they will show more respect for all the things that I do for them.

Enjoy Family Time

After I take some much needed mommy breaks and think about myself for once, I am hopeful I can get back to enjoying time with my family. We do all this for them anyways, might as well enjoy every minute with them.

I am looking forward to beating the “mom funk” and getting back to the mom and wife I want to be.

I hope some of these mom tips can help you if you feel the mom burnout coming on.

Don’t forget to give yourself a break and don’t feel bad about the mom burnout, it happens to the best of us!

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family Uncategorized young mother

Mom at 15

I became a mother at the ripe young age of Fifteen. Now as an adult and mother of Two children, I sit back and think “wow, I really was still a baby, having a baby”. I see my children at the same age I was when I was pregnant and think to myself “There is no way they could raise a baby, they are still so young and innocent”. I guess that is most likely how my mom felt seeing her baby girl pregnant at Fourteen.

I was not the town slut, I actually became pregnant my first time having sex. Although once you become a mom at Fifteen, you somehow become the small town whore.

I know a lot of people judged my mother for allowing me to become pregnant, she even lost friendships because of what I did. In reality, it was not her fault at all. She was a single mother, working 12 hour shifts in a Factory to provide for me and could not always watch me 24 hours a day. She trusted me, and now that I am an adult, I appreciate how much she trusted me and hate that I broke her trust.

Even though my mother was clearly disappointed in me, she did not leave me all alone to raise a child. She was there for me through every Doctor’s appointment, Lamaze class and delivery. She insisted I go back to school to finish getting my high school diploma, and she stayed up with a crying baby, so that I could rest for school.

I am not sure I could have done it without the support of my mother. Especially when at delivery there was a medical mistake that took place to cause my baby to start having seizures. She had to stay in the NICU for Two weeks after birth. As a child myself, I had no idea what was going on. I never thought anything could go wrong with your baby at birth.

After countless Doctor appointments, we learned she had Cerebral Palsy. I could not accept it. It took years of taking her to different specialist, and they all had the same outcome. She will never walk. My heart broke each and every time we heard those words. I finally accepted the fact that my daughter was special and I would do everything it takes to give her a normal life.

I regret the time I was in denial about her disability. It was wasted time.

It was not easy at all being a mom at 15, I had to see all my friends growing up and having normal lives. My sleep overs with friends now included a baby crying. It was challenging to say the least.

I would never suggest anybody become a mother at 15, but I believe that God blessed me with that sweet girl early in life because she would need me for a long time.

All you young moms out there, don’t give up. It gets easier, and you can still raise a baby and fulfill your purpose in life.