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Relationship Tips From A Married Woman

I have been with my husband for 21 years now. There has been so many ups and downs in our relationship, mostly downs, but we are finally in a stable relationship.

What does that mean? Well, to me, it means we resolve our conflicts instead of just fighting about them. It means we work every day to maintain a healthy relationship. It means letting your pride go.

This has been a very long road, and it was not an easy road with two equally hardheaded human beings.

If you ever watched “Jersey Shore“, imagine Sam and Ronnie’s relationship, that was us.

There are so many things I wish I could have changed about the choices I made in our relationship and the many mistakes that were made in our relationship.

There is so many “lessons learned“, throughout marriage, and it is very hard work.

So.. I would like to share the tips I have learned being a Married Woman.

Don’t Rush Him

One of the biggest regrets in regards to my relationship would be that I rushed him to propose.

I don’t know why we do that girls! We tend to think if he doesn’t propose after a year, then we will lose him or we will never get married.

We get into such a rush to plan our whole lives out; we forget that men need a little longer to get things planned out.

For instance, I rushed my husband to propose, you know the “when he puts a ring on my finger” guilt trip. In his mind he thinks “ I better propose, or she is going to dump me“. So, he did propose, and it was great, but he put off the wedding, which led to many fights and break ups.

If I would have just waited, he could have decided he wanted to marry me on his own and would have been excited to plan a wedding. Instead, he felt pushed into a situation he was not ready for.

You don’t want someone to marry you because they feel forced to do so. Now, I know my husband loves me and he is happy we are now married, but it took a while for us to truly know each other and for our love to grow over the years.

Enjoy Getting to Know Each Other

The first year is always so great because you are just getting to know each other. Don’t rush through it, enjoy every minute before moving in with each other or getting married.

Once you move in together, all that cute stuff, becomes annoying and you start realizing you don’t have that much in common.

Go on many dates before having kids, after kids you may not get date nights as often.

Babies Won’t Save a Relationship

Please ladies, do not have a baby to keep your man. If he isn’t interested before a baby, he will not be interested after a baby.

You either end up with a cheating baby daddy, or a baby daddy you have to fight with over the baby.

I didn’t get pregnant on purpose with my daughter, but I thought since I was pregnant, my baby daddy would be with me for forever. I was wrong, he was not ready to be a dad at that time, and I could not change that.

Don’t Base Your Relationship on Looks

Don’t let “appearance” control your relationship. Everybody gets older and our appearances change.

Make sure your relationship is based on love, make sure he loves you, for who you are, not what you look like.

Bodies change and looks fade over time, but true love won’t.

Trust

Something I struggled with for many years was trust. My husband never did anything for me not to trust him, but I still struggled with trusting him.

I would look for proof that he was cheating, constantly. Trust me ladies, if you look hard enough, you will find something to fight about. Whether it be a girl from work he added on Facebook, or just a simple text from a friend.

If you cannot trust him, you will never be happy. You will always be looking, and the fights will never stop.

I can honestly say after 21 years, I trust my husband. I no longer worry about what he is doing on his phone or when he is with his friends. It has made our relationship grow so much stronger.

This is also the same for men, they have to trust you too. My husband was jealous at times, and he had to learn to stop being jealous of every man I spoke to. On the other hand, I too had to stop giving him reasons to be jealous, like flirting. I know that sounds horrible, but when I was younger, I was a handful. When I would drink alcohol, I would get flirtatious, but I grew up.

Lastly, please ladies, remember you are beautiful just the way you are. You never have to change yourself for anybody!

I hope some of my life lessons can help you in your relationship journey.

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Mom Burnout

Have you ever felt tired of the mom life? Feeling as if the only thing you do in life is take care of everybody else?

Then you have the mom guilt, for feeling these feelings of mom burnout.

You are not alone!

For the past month I have felt the mama blues, and find it hard to just be happy.

I wake up everyday to the same messes in my house. Dirty clothes on the floor, dishes in the sink, laundry to wash and fold. Then I walk past that bathroom mirror with toothpaste splatters across it and think ” why should I even clean it, it will be dirty again tomorrow.” Then I spiral into a World of self pity.

I start to wonder if this is all my life will ever be, cleaning the toothpaste off of the mirror for the rest of my life?

How do you overcome these feelings of emptiness and self pity?

I have thought about this a lot here lately. I don’t want my kids to remember me as the crazy, depressed mom, that at time holds resentment towards them for having to be a mom 24/7.

I want them to remember me as a fun, happy mom!

So, what do I do about this?

I have complied a list of what I am going to try to get my life out of the gutter and stop the Mom Burnout.

Me Time

This is so important! We moms forget to have “me time“. We focus so much energy on doing everything for our families so that they can be happy, we forget about our happiness. Believe me there is no happy home without a happy wife/mom.

Whether you read a good book or you binge a new series on TV. Take the time everyday to do something you want to do.

Exercise

I hear so many good things about that thing called exercise, but I never just take the time to do it. Okay, it may be a little laziness on my part, but I think I am ready to start exercising this frustration away.

More Friend Time

It has occurred to me that I cannot remember the last time I had a Mom night out with friends or even a lunch date with a friend. I get so consumed in life, I forget I have friends. Remember your friends ladies, support each other and have more friend time.

Fun Hobbies

This kind of goes with “me time”, but I am going to find a hobby that I enjoy. I use to enjoy baking, but now I do it so much for my family that I don’t enjoy it as much.

Find a hobby that does not benefit anybody but YOU!

Be Selfish

It is okay for us moms to be selfish sometimes! We give so much of our time to our family, why not do more for yourself. Go shopping just for stuff for you, get your hair done, get that pedicure or massage you have been wanting.

If you don’t think of yourself sometime, you feel resentful to your family and that leads to that mom guilt.

Teach Your Family to Help More

This is a tough one for me. I have been guilty of not making my family do more for their selves . I would rather pick up the laundry myself and not argue about it, but my family DOES need to help out more.

In the end they make not like me as much, but they will show more respect for all the things that I do for them.

Enjoy Family Time

After I take some much needed mommy breaks and think about myself for once, I am hopeful I can get back to enjoying time with my family. We do all this for them anyways, might as well enjoy every minute with them.

I am looking forward to beating the “mom funk” and getting back to the mom and wife I want to be.

I hope some of these mom tips can help you if you feel the mom burnout coming on.

Don’t forget to give yourself a break and don’t feel bad about the mom burnout, it happens to the best of us!

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20 Years Strong

Today my husband and I celebrate twenty years together!

On December 16, 2000, a young single mother decided to take a chance with a brave young man.

It has been a very bumpy road and has not been easy.

We have endured many break ups and had to find our way back to each other.

It didn’t help that we were hardheaded teenagers and were both use to getting our way.

Also, my husband had to adapt to being with a single mom and having a child in the mix. He had to step up as a step dad at 17 years old.

After twenty years I finally feel as if we have found balance in our relationship.

It’s still hard and we are not perfect, but we’re learning from our mistakes.

Marriage is hard and it’s a struggle everyday, but I have some tips I would like to share that has helped us over the last 20 years.

Put Your Pride Aside

That dang pride can ruin a relationship. Sometimes you just have to put that pride aside and know when your wrong.

Apologize

Why is it so hard to say “I’m sorry“? I guess it goes with putting that pride aside, but learning to say “I’m sorry”, helps your partner know you care about resolving the issues.

Listen To Each Other

One of the biggest problems for us was we never listened to each other’s concerns. We would jump to conclusions or blow up instead of just listening to each other’s issues.

Communication

Communication is key in a relationship. It goes with listening to each other. I am all about voicing my opinions and problems, while my husband bottles it up. We all know the problem with bottling up your problems, you eventually blow up! So he still doesn’t tell me All his feelings like I do, but he communicates more instead of holding it all in.

It’s Okay To Be Different

One of our biggest struggles as a couple was we would fight over our differences. When we first started dating, we had the same interests. As we grew up, our interests changed. We have learned to accept our differences. He accepts that I don’t like fishing and I accept he doesn’t love watching horror movies all the time like I do.

It’s Okay To Do Things Apart

This kind of goes with having differences. We always thought we had to do everything together. So one of us would be miserable and it would lead to fighting. We now know it’s okay to have different interests and we don’t have to always be together. He can go fishing and hunting while I go shopping or get my hair done.

Make Time For Each Other

So this one is hard for us and we are still working on this. We have let our kids take over our lives. Finding alone time is hard! It’s so important to find time for each other. This weekend my husband and I are going to enjoy a weekend together, without kids, for the first time in years!

Support Each Other

A hard part in any relationship is supporting each other’s decisions. We always try to support each other. He supports my blogging and any other projects I have going and I support him. Of coarse we always communicate our choices but we come together and support each other in the end.

Have Fun

One of my biggest regrets is that we ruined moments that should have been fun and memorable by stressing and fighting. Life gets pretty stressful with a special needs child, but we have adapted to our life. We find ways to get through the stress and just have fun.

Forgive

Last but not least, learn to forgive each other. Every relationship is going to have problems. We have both said and done things we now regret but we have learned to forgive each other for all the bad moments in our relationship. Holding on to anger will only lead to resentment. Learn to forgive, so your relationship can grow stronger.

Thank you for letting me share my relationship tips with you!

I am sure our relationship will have more struggles and hardships, but I look forward to another twenty years with my best friend!

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Insecurities Can Affect your Marriage

Insecurities affect more than just your own life, it affects your marriage as well. When you do not love truly love yourself, how do you expect to accept the love of another person??

I have been with  my husband for almost 19 years now. We met as teenagers and have basically grown up together. He accepted a single teenage mother to be the love of his life, but yet I cannot accept that he truly loves me.

My body insecurities have caused many problems in our marriage. Of coarse not ALL of our problems stem from my insecurities, but I know if I loved myself more I would be a better wife for him.

My insecurities for myself really started after having my son. I gained a lot of weight and I still have not lost the weight from before him. And he is 13! Sometimes I feel like such a failure that I cannot just lose the weight and feel better about myself, and I think my husband must be so disappointed in me. My mind wonders if he wishes he could have the girl he fell in love with back, that young blonde with a decent body.

He reassures me that he still thinks I am pretty and my weight does not bother him, but my mind tells me he cannot be telling the truth. He sees the same me I see in the mirror and that me is disgusting.  So I may roll my eyes or say something sarcastically when he compliments me , because I cannot believe he would see something different than I see in the mirror. That greatly affects our marriage, because he thinks his opinion does not matter and he is being of accused of lying.

My insecurities also affect our intimacy, because I do not want him to see me naked. I make excuses or just go to bed and that really hurts his feelings because he starts to feel he is not good enough. And that truly breaks my heart because it is my fault he feels that way. And we all know the thoughts us ladies have when you know you are giving your husband lovins, our first thought is he will go find it elsewhere. Now I know my husband would not do that to me, but it does not mean my brain does not think about it. My brain tells me “he will find a girl with a better body, and you will be alone forever”.  

I have let my insecurities within myself have control for too long! I will not let them destroy my marriage and my family. I am going to believe my husband when he tells me I am beautiful and I am going to tell myself that every time I look in the mirror. “YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL”. 

I may not lose weight, some things are just out of my control , but I can control ME and I am going to love myself no matter the size I am! I am going to embrace my curves and embrace my husband!

If you are letting your insecurities control you marriage, it is not too late to regain control. Start by telling yourself “YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL”, and then truly believe it because YOU ARE!

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