depression Uncategorized

6 Ways to Beat Depression

Depression sucks, plain and simple! I have suffered from anxiety and depression for a very long time, and I am done with it controlling my life.

Today I turned 36 and while some people feel happiness for their Birthday, I feel sadness. Sadness to be another year older, sadness for all I didn’t accomplish in that year, and sadness another year has flown by in the blink of an eye.

A year ago I was faced with the news that I may have cancer. After all the tests came back and I was told there was no cancer I was so thankful. At that moment I was so ready to live my life to the fullness and never take life for granted. I would be happy for every day that God blessed me on Earth. Now here I am a year later finding it hard to find my happiness and searching for myself in a sea of darkness.

My husband will ask ” Why can’t you just be happy?“, for him it is a choice to be happy, but for someone with depression it takes strength just to get out of bed daily. I ask myself the same question every day, “why can’t you just stop with this!”,What is wrong with you!”. 

I want happiness and I want to feel joy again! If medication is not going to work for me, I am going to fight depression!

I have made a list of 5 ways I am going to kick depressions butt!


I have heard that exercise is a great way to clear your mind and get rid of stress. I am going to sweat out the stress and anxiety!

Find Support

Having support to lean on is very important. In the past, I didn’t want my friends or family to know what I was going through so I hid from the world. Not anymore. I am going to reach out to my friends and lean on my family support more.

Get out of the house

This one is a biggie. Anyone with anxiety and depression knows how hard it is to get out into the World of the unknown. Trying new restaurants, overly crowded places or just simple traffic can make you want to curl up in bed. I have spent too many weekends in bed! Staying cooped up in your home may feel safe, but is adding more triggers for your depression. Such as feeling like your missing out on life or feelings of regret when you cancel an event. I am going to start getting out and doing more no matter the anxiety!

Make A Journal

I am thinking of starting a journal to keep a log of my feelings and my blessings.  A journal could be a great way to express the feelings when your down and also keep track of how you came back up.

Make a daily goal list

Make a daily goal list of achievable goals, such as take the trash out, load the washer. Keep your goal list small, don’t overdo it with a mile-long list. Reward yourself for achieving your goals, such as Mani or Pedi.

Remember to take care of yourself

It is so important to have activities or hobbies just for yourself. If you like listening to music, allow yourself time in the day just to listen to music and enjoy it. If you like painting, sign up for a painting class. Don’t feel guilty to do things for yourself.

My hopes are that by the time my 37th birthday rolls around, I will have fought my depression down and will enjoy my next birthday.

These are just my opinions, you still should consult with your doctor to have a plan of your own for fighting depression. 





depression suicide awareness Uncategorized

Suicide Awareness

Suicide. The topic of suicide can be a hard one to talk about. Especially if your family has had to endure the pain of losing a loved one from taking their own life.

At sixteen my older brother took his own life. I was five at the time and did not even really understand what had happened to my brother. As I got older and began asking my mom questions about Justin, she explained that he was really sad and he could not handle it anymore. I could never understand how he could have been that sad. I couldn’t understand why he would leave me and why he didn’t love me enough to stay on this Earth to be my big brother. I didn’t understand, until I started facing my own anxiety and depression.

When I was a child my dad was a very abusive alcoholic. Not always physically abusive, but mentally abusive. I dreaded the nights he was not home right after work, because I knew he was a the beer joint getting  angry drunk.

He would keep my mom and I up all night fighting with us or questioning our love for him. There were nights we had to stay at a hotel, just to get some peace from him. I spent a lot of my childhood scared and exhausted from the fighting.

As I became a teenager, I became more angry with him and would fight back. That just added more stress to the situation. I became so tired of life. Being a teenager didn’t help either because I was raging with hormones on top of being depressed and angry. One night I was so fed up with the yelling and screaming and attempted suicide. I just could not stand the thought of another day on this Earth with him as my father and the problems I was facing in school.

In anger I took a handful of my mom’s blood pressure bills. My mom found me with the pills and immediately gave me ipecac (a syrup that makes you throw up your entire stomach). It was not pleasant at all. I was so mad that she couldn’t just let me go. My mom saved my life.

After that my mom got me the help I needed and depression medication. Things didn’t get better with my dad until I finally moved out at 18, but I learned to deal with my emotions a little better.

I felt so selfish to do that to my mom. She has always been my rock and tried to give me the best life she could. Now as a mother I could not even imagine the heart break of losing my son to suicide and then my daughter trying to go the same way.

Depression can make you feel like the whole world would be better off without you, but that is NOT true. You leave the people that love you behind to mourn you and blame their self for not doing enough to help.

I always wish I could have helped my brother but his depression was silent. He didn’t tell anybody the way he felt inside. Maybe if I had been older I could have seen the signs of his depression, but we will never know the maybes or what ifs. I just hope I can spread awareness for this disease and suicide prevention.

If you are suffering from depression, there are treatments for depression so don’t be ashamed to get help. There are more people than you know going through the same things as you. Reach out to your loved ones, believe me when I say they would rather you come to them for help than to have to go to your funeral.

If you are just going through a hard time right now and just cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel, it WILL get better! Hard times come and go in life but it does get better.

I encourage to read the signs of depression and reach out to your loved ones that might be dealing with more than you know. 

In loving memory of my Big Brother Justin Hiller. He is missed everyday.